Work/ Life Balance is not a myth

Some people ask me how I manage being a single mom, having a successful career and being involved in my community. To me it is simple. I make time for what’s important to me. I have noticed that a lot of people are unhappy because their lives are out of balance.

My priorities are simple God first then family and friends and my career and community are interchangeable at third. What does this mean? It means when I am making decisions about how to spend my time I keep in mind what’s important to me. Some people just take on tasks because it seems like something they may be interested in pursuing but I have to ask – at what cost?

When some people think about cost, they simply think about the financial impact that a decision will have on their life; but cost is also the emotional impact that the decision will have. There are some things that I would love to get involved with and I have time for but at what cost to me being with my son, shopping with my mom or volunteering in my community. Although one person may think their project is more important than a Friday afternoon shopping with my mom, but for my personal happiness spending that time with her is invaluable.

God has Blessed me with the gift of not having a problem saying, “No.” No does not mean that I don’t care or that you are not important but it does mean that it is not something I believe I will be successful at accomplishing. Just like everyone else, I just want to be successful. However, overextending yourself rarely leads to success. It often leads to you disappointing someone that is relying on you or sacrificing something that is really more important to your personal happiness.

So, here are my five keys to achieving balance in your work and personal life:

1. Don’t overpromise when you know that you will under deliver.
   
2. Prioritize. Make a list of your top five priorities and then look at how you are spending your time. Is your lifestyle in line with your priorities?
   
3. Schedule it. I don’t commit to anything without consulting my calendar. Some people prefer electronic systems like a PDA or their Outlook calendar while others prefer using a paper planner. It doesn’t matter what you choose as long as you use something.
   
4. Delegate. Let the professionals do what they do and you do what you do. For example, if you want a nice yard but don’t have time to plant flowers; either hire a landscaper or make a deal with a friend that enjoys gardening. Same with house cleaning, book keeping, etc.
   
5. Work smarter and not harder. Just because you are working on a project doesn’t mean you can’t enlist some help. Team work goes a long way and you never know when someone may have a suggestion for an easier way to complete the task.

Maintaining balance is easy when you set priorities and make decisions based on what is important. It is okay to be selfish - sometimes.

Planning for the future: using life insurance to create a legacy

Once upon a time, buying life insurance was as simple as the insurance man coming to your house, selling you a policy and coming by weekly to collect your premium. We learned something from this experience once our older relatives passed, those insurance men didn't have their clients best interest at heart. They were merely making a sale. Today life insurance, like many financial instruments, is very complicated. Not only must you decide between term (temporary) and perm (permanent) policies but the most important decision is face value.

Life insurance can be used not only to cover your burial expenses but also to create generational wealth. Those salesmen that I mentioned earlier were only selling enough insurance to get their clients in the ground while some of the more prestigious offices had insurance consultants that worked around their client's financial budgets to get them the most insurance they could afford. This allowed wives whose husbands died at an early age to stay at home with the children rather than take on a low wage job or older spouses to pay off a mortgage and not sacrifice their lifestyle.

Today, many people are still buying arbitrary amounts of life insurance with no consideration of what they want the money to do once they pass away. There are two ways to look at how much life insurance is right for you – needs based or income replacement. Your face value will probably fall somewhere between these amounts once you take your budget into consideration.
A needs based analysis involves you sitting down and thinking about what you would want to happen (financially) if you passed away tomorrow. Would you want your mortgage to be paid off? Would you want a college fund set up for your kids? Would you want to set up a monthly stipend for your spouse or the caretaker of your kids? Taking the time to create a plan is one way you can reduce the stress and burdens of those you care about.

Another method to determine your insurance need is to use the income replacement approach. Simply take your annual after-tax income and multiply it by the number of years you have until retirement. This is the amount of income that your family would miss out on if you were to pass away tomorrow. You can subtract the amount that you spend on your personal expenses such as food, clothing and transportation but include one time expenses likes college tuition, debt payoffs and funeral expenses. In theory, the amount of your insurance need should decrease each year, but once you consider inflation and annual raises, the amount you choose today may be sufficient for future needs.

Often income replacement is not considered for non-working spouses but their contributions, although not always seen in the form of a paycheck, should not be underestimated. Imagine the value of a stay at home parent. You would either have to quit your job thereby having to replace your income or find someone to complete tasks like baby sitting until you get home, housekeeping, etc. which would increase your monthly expenses. Discuss the issue with your spouse then take some time to consider which approach you would take and it's financial implications.

Generally, insurance benefits are received income tax free. Imagine the relief that would be felt by your spouse or the caretaker of your children if they didn't have to mourn your death and worry about finances. Planning for your demise may be a morbid thought but it is something that we all must face. Your money matters to those who depend on you for their care and livelihood, don't let them down when they need you the most.

Do you deserve credit?

One of the main complaints that we all have with credit card companies soliciting teenagers is that they don't deserve it. The theory is that they haven't earned the right to have access to thousands of dollars that they may not be able to repay. However, how many of us deserve credit?

It wasn't until the prosperity years of the '90s that credit became widely available. Before then, you had to have excellent payment history or lots of cash in the bank to access credit. Creditors were leery of allowing the common man access to its stash. This all changed when they realized that we are consumer society. Studies have consistently shown that Americans spend more than they earn. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that credit keeps us in that flux. We take no issue with buying a home that we can't afford, driving a car we can barely maintain or wearing clothes that we never should have bought. Credit has allowed us to create a lifestyle that may be enviable on the outside but no one realizes the strain that paying these bills puts on our lives which essentially makes us a slave to our jobs. We can not enjoy the freedom of doing what we want to do rather we are forced to stay at jobs in which we are unhappy or defer our dream job which may not pay as much as we would like because we have so many bills.

Credit alone is not the culprit instead it is the fact that creditors realized that the people wanting credit didn't deserve it so they figured out a way to punish them for their selfish desires – interest. Interest is a complicated beast that can take over a balance and have it whooping your butt before you even realize what's happened. If you are only paying the minimum payments each month, then you are essentially feeding the beast (interest) and starving the monster (principal). It may seem that the monster is being held off but the beast is growing and taking over your life.

I have nothing against credit, when used responsibly. It's almost like a gun, in the wrong hands it can be deadly. Credit is actually necessary in our society. If you want to make a significant purchase, like a home or a car, then your lender will want to know how you have handled your credit in the past. They will be looking for your monster and your beast to be tamed in a nice little cage called low/zero balance.

Every person should have at least one credit card, preferably a universal card like Visa, Master card or American Express, for emergencies. However, opening your wallet and displaying a credit card collection like newborn baby pictures is not impressive. The more accounts you have open the more leery a creditor may be about lending to you regardless of the their balances. Imagine you have six cards with $30,000 in available credit and an annual salary of $40,000. You may only have a total outstanding balance of $4,000 but imagine some traumatic event happening in your life, a creditor's worst nightmare is you going on a $36,000 shopping spree and never being able to repay your debts.

Not many of us deserve credit because we are selfish and materialistic. Rather than using credit cards for emergencies, buying the best house with an affordable mortgage and choosing an economical car; we choose to be slaves. Free yourself, pay down your debt so that you can enjoy life. Having a low or no debt lifestyle allows you take advantage of jobs that you enjoy, allows you to save extra money for vacations and keeps you from dreading to open your mail.

Your money matters – its not about how much you make, but how much you keep.

Cash is king

Everyone says that you have some money set for a rainy day but rarely do they expand past that statement. Let's talk about how you create a cash reserve strategy to help your money work as hard as you do.

Your cash reserve is the money that you have set aside for emergencies. An emergency is not a sale at JCPennys or a new driver to improve your golf game. An emergency is the loss of a job or an income earner becoming disabled and not being able to continue working. Most professionals will recommend that you have three to six months of living expenses in reserves. This amount includes your rent/mortgage, car payments, insurances, groceries and all other expenses that your household requires to operate on a monthly basis. Once this amount is decided, the question becomes where should I put these reserves. Holding large sums of money in a checking account can be dangerous because it is easily accessible thus can be easily spent on those non-emergency emergencies.

A three tier cash reserve allows you access to money but it also allows you to earn a slightly higher interest rate on a portion of the funds as your account grows. It also has the potential to save you even more money in the long run.

Your first tier can be your checking account. If you are a disciplined spender/saver, you can save one month of your household expenses in your checking account. In the event of an emergency, the money is readily available and there are no transfers required to take care of your obligation. However, if you are not disciplined, consider opening a separate checking account at a different bank or credit union so that you still have the ease of access during an emergency but not the temptation to spend the money frivolously.

The second tier is generally a savings account. You should maintain one to two months of living expenses in this account. Savings accounts normally provide a higher interest rate than your checking account therefore your money is working for you rather than sitting idle. You can attach your savings and checking accounts if you are disciplined, however, if you are not, you should ask your banker to separate the accounts so that the funds can not be accessed through your ATM. This account should only be accessed if your emergency is dire and you have exhausted the funds in your first tier.

The third tier can be held in a money market savings account or certificates of deposit (CDs). These accounts often have a penalty for frequent withdrawals because the bank expects you to invest the money and leave it with them for an extended period so that they can use it for loans. This is why they are able to pay a higher interest rate. Two to three months of expenses should be held in this tier and should be considered a long term investment. Obviously, these funds should only be accessed once you have used the monies in the first and second tiers.

Although the financial market can seem scary right now, you have to be disciplined and consider your cash reserve strategy as a part of your overall investment strategy. Cash reserves, unlike stocks and mutual funds, are FDIC insured when held at a bank. Your money matters, have discipline, make smart decisions and you can weather any financial storm.

The dangers of not having a cash reserve is that when you encounter an emergency you are often forced to use a credit card or apply for a high interest loan. Either of these options will increase your debit load. Some people say that they can't save because they have to pay off their debt. I say that you have to do both even if you are just saving a little bit.

Consider this...you have paid off all your debts but saved no money, an emergency occurs, what do you do? Go back into debt because you have no cash reserve to bail you out...

Chasing the cheese

Everyday feels like a rat race. I am constantly trying to get the biggest piece of cheese. Looking over my shoulder to see how close he is, looking to my left at her progress. A decision has to be made.... I am exiting the race.

Good enough never is...no matter how much I chase, how far I get, it will never be good enough. There will always be someone better and faster.

The key to being young and fabulous is to do your personal best at all times. Not just when someone is looking or when you feel like it but making excellence a part of your daily standard. Executing this one change in mindset will enhance your life because no longer will the focus be on the progress of your peers but it will be on achieving self satisfaction.

At the end of each day, don't you want to feel a sense of accomplishment and not just be tired and beat down from running a race that you will never win...

Are you sabotaging your success?

I read an article a while back that presented a very unsettling theory. It stated that many people don't achieve success because of self sabotage. At first, I couldn't believe it. Who would choose to not to be successful? However, I have noticed that there are many people who talk a good game but are not following up with the actions needed to achieve success. Some are doing so because they really don't know what needs to be done to achieve their goals while others are afraid of the changes that will occur in their life once success is attained.

How do you know whether you are setting yourself up for success or sabotaging your ability to achieve success?

First, consider whether you have a plan for your success?

• If you have a plan, it should be a SMART plan. Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and trackable. Your plan for success is the road map to you achieving your future goals. It may change from time to time because life happens and we all have to make adjustments. However, if you are just sitting around thinking that one day success is going to happen or that somehow you will end up in the right place at the right time and everything will just fall in to place then you are sabotaging your success. It is also not helpful to just have general goals, like I would like to become a lawyer without any plans of taking the LSAT, researching law schools or know which type of law you want to practice. Do some research and create a plan.

Next, think about who you hang around?

• You are somewhat a product of your environment. There are some people that can achieve their goals despite their surroundings but as adults if you are hanging around successful people then you are more likely to become successful. Not because you are expecting them to hook you up but because of the activities that you will participate in with them and the type of people that you will network with. If you hang around with people that spend most of their free time playing video games then you are sabotaging your success. We each have the same 24 hours each day to achieve our goals. Some people are on Boards of Directors, start their own business, and volunteer time to charity while others complain about everything that is wrong around them and consistently do nothing. If you are not using your time wisely, then you are not moving closer to your goals. No, you should not choose your friends based on how they can benefit you but you should choose friends that have similar goals and that can encourage you when you are down or be a role model for the type of life that you want to lead.

I have a friend that confided in me that she wanted to be mover and shaker in her community. She is starting her own business and also needed some inexpensive marketing strategies. I suggested that she create a plan. Not only did she need a business plan but she needed a strategy to get involved in her community. Since we had this discussion, she is now networking within her local Chamber of Commerce, attending City Council meetings, finishing her business plan and participating in the city's Leadership program. She could have just sat around waiting and wishing for her success to come but instead she is taking control of her future and making contacts with people that are going to help move her closer to her goals.

Are you setting yourself up for success?

My testimony…in the midst of the storm

Not everyone understands why older people always told you to sit down whenever a storm came through…they knew that it was in these moments that God was doing His work.
Sometimes we find ourselves in storms – the storms of life, stormy weather while we are driving, stormy arguments – but we rarely take the time to be still and really analyze the situation. We have gotten so used to driving through it or persevering that we have forgotten that sometimes we just need to be still.

I just came through a storm and I know that there are many more in my future but I wanted to share some thoughts with my friends and family. When I am going through a storm, I like to be still. Yes, that may mean that I may be difficult to contact but I need to be still with my thoughts and still with my faith. It is so tempting when you are going through something to tell your friends and get their “opinion” but that is not always the best course. Yes, I know that you will encourage me, provide me with words of wisdom and even come to my aid if necessary. However, there are some instances where God is ready to move in your life and you have to be still to hear the direction He has in store for you.

My latest storm was causing a lot of confusion in my mind. Whenever I tried to vocalize the situation, it just didn’t sound like it would come out the way I was thinking it. So, I just kept it inside and prayed about it. This storm lasted longer than I thought it would. I was ready for it to be over. I prayed for guidance and each day it just seemed like it went on and on. People say take it to Him in prayer and forget about it but that is so much easier said than done. I would find it preoccupying my mind during the day. It would be hard for me to sleep some nights because I just wanted a solution. However, my self-talk told me to be faithful. I did some things in the meantime that will hopefully prevent me from ending up in this situation again but at the perfect moment, God showed up and showed out. I couldn’t do anything but praise Him when He moved. He could have done it at any time but at that moment, I felt the power of His grace and mercy in my life.

I have some friends that don’t believe in God. I feel bad for them. Not because I think their souls will be damned to Hell…that’s not my decision to make. I feel bad for them because I cannot imagine living in a world without my faith. I see them seeking happiness in experiences and material possessions but it seems like a void that gets bigger with every attempt. I may never own a Mercedes, I may never have my five-bedroom dream house but I wake up every day with joy in my heart because of God’s grace and mercy. I know that even on my worst day, He loves me unconditionally. This fullness within guides me through my storms and I pray for each person reading this to be still in their next storm and have faith that God will move in your life too.

Tipping Standards

I spent three years working as a waitress while I was in college. I believe that everyone, at some point in their life, should work in the service industry. It teaches you humility and I guarantee it will make you think twice before treating your waitress or anyone else providing you with a service in a hostile manner.

On the other hand, I also believe that anyone working in the service industry should realize that they chose that profession and it is their job to provide service with a smile. Don't be mean to me because you hate your job. If you want my money, then I expect you to at least pretend you want to be where you are.

I haven't decided what to do about those service providers that don't work for a tip. Not to get off on another subject, but if you are working at a drive through or as a cashier or in any position where you have to come in contact with the public, do us all a favor and just fake it until you make it.

Listed below are the tipping standards for most service industries.

Restaurants/Bars

• Waiter/Waitress
  15% of pre-tax bill for ok service, 20% for great service but not less than 10% even if the service is poor (I know that sucks but they have to split their tips with the people who make the food)
• Sommelier (Wine steward)
  15% of the cost of the bottle
• Bartender
  15 – 20% of the tab with a minimum of $1 (about $0.50 for a nonalcoholic beverage)
• Coat room attendant
  $1 per coat
• Parking valet or garage attendant
  $2 to bring your car to you
• Washroom attendant
  $1
  

Everyday

• Taxi driver
  15% of fare and an additional $1 per bag if they help you load or unload
• Food delivery
  10% of the pre-tax bill
• Grocery loader
  $1 for loading bags into car but $3 if you have more than 3 bags
• Barber
  15 - 20% depending on service frequency, if you are a regular then you can tip less (minimum $1)
• Hairdresser
  15 - 20% again depending on service frequency
• Shampoo person
  $2
• Manicurist
  15%
• Spa service
  15 – 20% regardless of service frequency
• Staff at coffee/food retailers with tip jars
  No tip is required. It is completely optional.
• Handyman
  No tip
• Gas attendant
  No tip

Travel

• Skycap at airport
  $1 per bag if you use curbside check-in but $2 per bag if sky cap takes them inside for you
• Hotel doorman
  $1 per bag for helping with your luggage and $1 per person for hailing a cab
• Hotel bellhop
  $1 per bag if they take your bags to your room with a minimum of $2 (yes, even if you only have one bag)
• Hotel housekeeper
  $2-$5 per night depending on how fresh you want your sheets
• Hotel concierge
  $5 for getting tickets or reservations but $10 if they pull any strings to get make the impossible a reality and no tip for directions
  

A Man's Ultimate Jewelry Collection

When it comes to men's jewelry, I am very traditional so this shouldn't be a long read. I believe a man should not wear more than five pieces of jewelry at one time (preferably not all on the same appendage). Although I am a member of Generation Bling, I don't think a man should subscribe to that way of thinking unless he is in a music video or it's Halloween.

A man's jewelry collection can consist of multiple pieces but it is not necessary for them to all be worn at the same time. Knowing the appropriate time to wear jewelry is a statement of class for men. Not to go on a fashion tangent but every man should have three looks – sporty, casual and dressy – and a jewelry collection for each look.

A sporty look is appropriate for sporting events and playing sports. An athletic watch is the only piece of jewelry that can sustain the roughness of man-sport, otherwise, you are just trying to show off and will probably end up losing your piece or it will get broken.

Casual dress provides a little more leeway, however, don't overdo it. A casual watch is a worthy investment that can be worn daily. It should be a piece that can be worn with jeans or khaki's and looks good when your sleeves are rolled up. The actual style will vary depending on your personality but chronographs are one of my favorites. The band of the watch is a very important detail but if you choose a good face, you can always have the band replaced. A necklace or bracelet may be appropriate but I prefer that a man not wear both. Also, fashion rings only look appropriate if it is a class ring or if you not married. If you are married and choose a fashion ring or class ring, it should be worn on the opposite hand of your wedding band to create a balanced look. If you are a man with pierced ears, this may be the time to wear them but be careful not to go overboard. A nice diamond stud (between ½ and 1 carat) is appropriate but hoops and earrings with designs should be left for the women.

When wearing a suit, depending on your style, you can sometimes add a little more flash to your ensemble with cuff links. Tie tacks and tie bars should be avoided at all costs unless you prefer a more dated look. With this look, you can make a bolder statement with your watch because it can be used as a symbol of power. It is hard to resist a man in a dark suit with a crisp white shirt, french cuffs, shined cuff links, polished shoes and a nice watch.

A man's jewelry collection may be easier to assemble and may be more varied because there are less options available. Each man should invest in three watches, one ring if he chooses and as many sets of cuff links as his heart desires. The price points of these pieces, however, should stay in line with his budget. If you can't afford a Rolex lifestyle then leave it in the store, because that's false advertising. Also, for all of you women wanting a rock for an engagement ring, I have been told that it is a wedding tradition for the bride to buy her husband a watch, as a wedding gift, equal in value to that of her engagement ring.

Tips to building the ultimate jewelry collection

Building a jewelry collection is much like building your clothing collection. We all have those key pieces that we wear season after season and of course, there are those trendy pieces that after one season you wonder why you even bothered. Costume jewelry is much like those trendy pieces – meant to accentuate your staple pieces. Depending on your budget, you can spend a lot or a little on trendy jewelry but those staples that you will wear year after year is where you should spend the bulk of your money. When shopping for jewelry it can become overwhelming especially if you have champagne taste with a diet coke budget or if you are hard to please (like me).

The first thing you should consider is your style. Some people can't live without diamonds while others prefer colorful gem stones. In order to spend wisely, you should take some time browsing jewelry websites and visiting jewelry stores to figure out what you like and what will work with your wardrobe. If you are a mom with small children, you probably won't want to invest in many earrings that dangle because little eyes and fingers seem compelled to reach out and grab.

The next thing you have to consider is your budget. Regardless of how much money you have to spend, you should invest in the highest quality pieces that your budget allows. It may take some time to build up your collection but as you find pieces that fit your personality and that you love, you will be glad that you invested the time and money.

I have spent three years (yes, three years) looking for the perfect watch. I have an idea in my head of what it looks like but I have yet to see it – or at least one that fits my budget. There are plenty of watches for you to choose from and its okay to have several but you should invest in one timepiece that can be worn day or night, dressed up or down and when you look at it, you feel a sense of pride knowing that you've made a wise investment. Hopefully, it won't take you three years to find it. A good watch is not only used to tell time but it says a lot about your personality. You would be surprised how often people make judgments of others based on the look and quality of their watch.

In our society, the majority of women have pierced ears and some women have multiple piercings. I have two piercings and invested in two sets of diamond studs because I believe 'diamonds are girl's best friend.' They have screw backs so I don't have to worry about losing them and I only take them off to clean them. I have a two year old son whose little fingers can't resist touching them but I don't have to worry about the pain of them being yanked from my ears. Some people prefer the classic look of pearls while others change their earrings everyday to match their outfits. No matter where you fit on that spectrum, you should invest in one pair of earrings that will be a signature of your personal style.

There are millions of rings to choose from and they are probably the most reflective of your personal style because they are one of the first pieces that people will notice when they see you. Aside from a bridal set, the finger placement as well as size and style of a ring can indicate your relationship status as well as whether you are trendy or conservative. A few years ago, women started wearing 'right hand rings' as a symbol of their independence. The theory was that a woman should not have to wait until she got engaged to wear an expensive finger piece. Another popular ring is the cocktail ring. Generally, a cocktail ring features a large, colorful gemstone and can be worn on any finger. Traditionally, this ring was reserved for evenings but women are now wearing them during the day. Whatever style you choose – and you may have many – it should be a reflection of who you are.

Finally, necklaces and bracelets should round out your collection. I list them last because it is easiest to find costume necklaces and bracelets yet more difficult and expensive to find quality pieces. Necklaces, especially when worn with a pendant, will also make a significant statement about your personality. There are many styles to choose from – crosses for religious purposes, birthstones to alert people which month you expect a gift, or your initial to help people remember your name. When investing in a quality piece, you must consider what types of tops you were most often. For instance, if you prefer wearing collared shirts then a short necklace without a pendant will be more fitting while ladies wearing more v neck tops should opt for a longer necklace or one with a unique pendant to enhance their neckline. Since variety is the spice of life, consider investing in a unique chain and build up a collection of pendants.